Kallen McCraken

Kallen McCracken is the result of a U.S. government experiment using the periodical repetition of "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" played through headphones directly applied to the womb of unborn children. He came out of the womb shredding a full-sized Gibson SG (none of that "fucking epiphone trash man"). Kallen attended Haverhill High School and became a #wannabesportskid consuming his former identity of a garage rock prodigy. He attended Fitchburg State briefly and was known around campus as Scary Hobbit as he lifted weights but could never attain further vertical advantage. Upon fighting two bears in a rugby practice he snapped his right leg like a twig and has since become a basement DIY Fitchburg turd legend.